Born Here? Lucky You
Citizenship for Sale: How the DOJ Turned Naturalization into a Rental Agreement
So I’m sitting at home one morning, dark and early, sipping my morning coffee and scrolling through government memos like some kind of masochist, when I stumble across this gem from Assistant Attorney General Brett Shumate.
Date: June 11th. Subject: How to f#@k over naturalized citizens without technically breaking the law.
Translation: Twenty-five million naturalized citizens—including me— just got demoted to probationary Americans.
I’ve been an American citizen for 65 years. That’s longer than most of the Constitution-humping patriots screaming about “real Americans” have been alive. But, according to Shumate’s memo, my citizenship apparently came with an expiration date that I was unaware of. Who knew?
The Bureaucratic Mugging
The very first words in the memo are “President Trump.” And it gets worse from there.
The memo reads like a legal brief written by someone who learned constitutional law from a cereal box. It doesn’t just target the obvious bad guys—Nazi war criminals sunning themselves in Miami condos or actual terrorists who lied on their immigration forms. No, this thing is so broad it could rope in “any individuals convicted of crimes who pose an ongoing threat to the United States.”
What kind of crimes? The memo doesn’t say. What constitutes an “ongoing threat”? Your guess is as good as mine. It’s the kind of deliberately vague language that makes civil liberties lawyers reach for the bourbon.
But here’s the really beautiful part: they’re doing this whole thing through civil court, where the deck is stacked so hard against defendants it makes a rigged casino look fair.
The Constitutional Shell Game
In criminal court, the government has to prove you’re guilty “beyond a reasonable doubt”—that quaint old standard that occasionally lets guilty people walk free but keeps innocent people out of jail. In civil court? They just need “clear, convincing, and unequivocal evidence,” which is lawyer-speak for “we’re pretty sure you did it.”
No right to a lawyer if you can’t afford one. Lower burden of proof. It’s like they took the Constitution, ran it through a paper shredder, and reassembled it with scotch tape and contempt for due process.
The National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers called it “contempt for the right to counsel.” I call it what it is: a bureaucratic reach-around designed to strip citizenship from people who can’t afford to fight back in court.
Welcome to Second-Class Citizenship
We’re the ones who had to prove we belonged here—took the tests, learned the history, swore the oath. Natural-born citizens receive their citizenship as soon as the doctor slaps their bottom at birth. For free, simply by showing up. We had to earn ours.
Now we’re told our citizenship comes with terms and conditions that would make a cell phone contract blush. Subject to review. May be revoked for crimes committed after naturalization. Offer void where prohibited by common decency.
The Supreme Court supposedly settled this issue back in 1967 with Afroyim v. Rusk, ruling that the U.S. government cannot involuntarily revoke a person’s citizenship, even if they have taken actions that might be construed as abandoning it, such as voting in a foreign election or having too many unpaid parking tickets.
But apparently, nobody in the Trump administration got that memo. Or maybe they just used it for toilet paper.
The “We’re Only Targeting Bad Guys” Bullsh!t
“But we’re only going after criminals!” they whine. “National security threats! Gang members! Fraudsters! Not returning shopping carts to the corral!”
Right. Because the federal government has such an impressive track record of restraining its own power. Remember when the Patriot Act was just about catching terrorists? How’d that work out for your privacy rights?
The memo’s language is what legal experts politely call “extremely broad and vague”—which translates to “we can make this mean whatever the hell we want.” When bureaucrats write rules that could theoretically apply to anyone, they usually end up applying to everyone.
My Survival Guide for the Coming Sh!tstorm
I’m done pretending this won’t affect me. Hope is what you do when you’re out of options. I’m thinking tactically now.
Step One: Carry a Passport Card at all times
A passport card is a government-issued, wallet-sized document that proves your U.S. citizenship. It’s an official alternative to the passport book—smaller, cheaper, and valid for ID and limited travel—but its core purpose is simple: it certifies that you are a U.S. citizen. You can get more details here. If I were you, I wouldn’t wait.
Step Two: If/When They Come Knocking
Lawyer up immediately. Don’t say a word without counsel present. Not even “hello.”
Make it a media circus. Shame works when applied correctly. Make them explain their actions on the evening news.
Document everything. Record every interaction legally possible. Make them justify their bullshit in court and in public.
Appeal everything. Make them work for it. Drag out the process. Cost them time, money, and political capital.
The Threat They Really Fear
The memo targets people who “pose an ongoing threat to the United States.” Here’s my threat: I’m going to keep being American. I’m going to keep voting, speaking out, and demanding the rights I earned when I raised my right hand and swore that oath.
They want to make citizenship conditional? Fine. But they’re going to have to fight me for it.
And to my fellow naturalized citizens reading this: they’re counting on us to stay quiet, to keep our heads down, to hope we don’t get noticed. That’s exactly why we need to get loud.
Your move, America. Show us what that oath really means. Because if they can come for naturalized citizens, they can come for anyone. And in this country, that’s supposed to mean something.